I have been working very much over the holidays with Spirit on reflections, mirrors and understanding of self. Sometimes I spend ages in other lives, recognising people that are in this one, for we all at times need to play the different parts to give ourselves understanding and growth. The victim, the bully, the martyr and the hero. The amazing thing about this life is we are the culmination of all of the lives before right into the now. We have truly forgotten so much and in reality, this life, the one we are in is bringing us, with the help of the Universal energies, so much understanding of ourselves, our patterns, habits and non-coincidental behaviours. What a wonderful place to be in this time of changing US. Please be gentle with yourself at this time though, because unless you are paying enough attention you may well see the person who you think is the worst for you, actually is the one who brings you the most illumination about YOU. Hence, gorgeously, here is the parable of
“The Girl in the Mirror”…
She drove her car fast, her annoyance growing. Why did it always seem that no one seemed to understand her. Her frustration grew in waves, swamping her with annoyance. She slammed her hand on the steering wheel in frustration. She rolled her eyes and looked out at the red light in sheer rage. Was it really too much to ask to expect people just to be who they are supposed to be? “Hurry UP!” she hissed at the red light. She sighed and flicked through all the radio stations, there was simply nothing that she wanted to listen to, she slapped at the off button. “What’s the point!” she mumbled to herself, glared at the red light again and pulled down the rear vision mirror to check her make up.
Beautiful blue green eyes looked back at her framed in dark lashes, perfectly mascaraed, subtle touches of bronze shadow. She brushed a blonde curl from the corner of her eye and froze. Reflected in the rear view mirror was a brown haired girl with brown eyes sitting in her back seat, dark runs of mascara down her face as the tears streamed from her eyes. Startled, she shoved the mirror up and out of the way as she contorted herself in her seat to stare into the back seat. It was completely empty.
She jumped out of her skin as a horn blasted from behind her, and startled she turned to see that the light had turned green. She frowned as she pushed down the accelerator and moved through the lights. All thoughts of being frustrated and misunderstood had disappeared out of her head. She was beginning to think that she was going nuts. She rubbed her forehead and blinked rapidly. Really she must stop getting so frustrated, it was making her see things. But really it was so clear, she could have sworn. Oh well. She sighed heavily. Planted both hands on the wheel and moodily stared out the window screen as she travelled on to home.
Home, what a odd word, what was home really? A place, a state? Home was supposed to denote a “warm place to be”, there was nothing at “home” that warranted that, there was just a space, with her things in it, that’s all there was. She sighed again as she indicated and turned up the driveway. She glanced again in the rear vision and slammed on the brakes. Closer in the rear vision mirror, almost leaning forwards her, was the girl with the brown hair and the brown eyes. She could see the streaks of mascara clearly and the drenched longing in the girl’s eyes to be understood. Her pain shone in her face like a palatable energy, making her draw her breath in, in both shock and empathy. Clenching the wheel she stared into the girl in the mirrors eyes, foot hard on the brake. She was holding her breath. Part of her wanted to turn around and see if she really was in the back seat and the other part of her didn’t want to break the eye contact at all.
The world stood still for a moment, no sound, nothing but the empathetic contact with the girl in the mirror. All of her emotions, all of her own turmoil seemed reflected in the face of the girl, who she didn’t even know, or didn’t know she even existed, was there naked to be seen in her face. She thought quietly to herself, I never let myself be seen like that so vulnerable, so exposed. She wanted to take the girl in her arms and hold her and tell her she was beautiful, that she was understood and she was special, but she was frozen, all words seemingly shallow, useless, condescending to the pain etched on the girls face and amplified by her eyes.
Her own emotions welled in response and she closed her eyes for a moment, struggling to get herself under control and a voice whispered in her ear. “I understand you, I know you and I know all that you hide from the world. If you truly want to be seen for who you are, then you must completely value how you feel. Do not smother it, do not hide it, but allow yourself the freedom of feeling your emotions. Then and only then do you understand you. When you understand you, you will no longer feel so much frustration at the lack of understanding in the world”.
She let the words roll over her and allowed all her frustrations that she had piled on her heart to unravel. She found that she didn’t fall to bits, rather the anger fell away and in letting go of the anger, all the frustration and resentment at herself and others melted away, tears fell as she allowed herself to truly feel. She felt freer, more at peace in herself and she blew out her breath in a sigh. She opened her eyes and looked into the mirror. The girl with the brown hair smiled and her whole face lit up, miraculously her streaked, smudged make up cleared and a tinkling laugh echoed in the car. She felt herself smiling too and thought that the roles had been reversed, she felt slightly shaky from releasing all her pent up frustration but as she wiped the tears from her cheeks, she felt better than she had for days. “Thank you” she said and the girl in the mirror blew her a kiss and disappeared.
She sat there for ages in her car in the driveway and as she sat there she realised something. She didn’t need the blue green contacts really, her brown eyes were truly beautiful and this rich blonde hair, well that only really went with the contacts. She reached into her purse and took out the brown hair dye kit and looked at it. The girl on the packet winked at her and she nearly dropped the packet back into her purse before she burst out laughing. “I’m coming home” she said and put the car in gear and drove the rest of the way home.
Who do we truly hide from? People? Sometimes. Ourselves? More often than not. Have you ever thought of about the mask you wear? The times you feel like screaming because no one understands you, when in reality, you don’t even understand yourself. Take the time to look at the masks you wear. People don’t see past these, we all wear them very well, for our roles, and our expectations and our perceived thoughts about whom we should be. Maybe it’s truly time to get to know YOU for you and then you can be sure that people will understand who you are, simply because you have no mask to wear but your own honesty and integrity.