I have been working with people over the last couple of months and years in fact, and I always am shown by Spirit the beauty of people’s hearts and believe me, energetically your heart is MAGICAL, you shine with your own unique brilliant light from the heart. It has this amazing energy of love but then we do this interesting thing with it. I get to be shown WHAT your heart is like, not in the physical sense, that would be plain messy, but the sense of the absolute loving power we are all capable of beyond any experiences.
It’s like seeing behind a wall of bricks that has been built over a period a time and experiences, mortared into place and hardened by all your experience. It always reminds me of the movie, the Secret Garden. People are beautiful behind their walls, truly wonderful and amazingly special. Yet why the wall? If I wanted to I could have a look at each brick and tell you why you put it in place. Because walls are only built one brick at a time and it takes time to shut away the specialness of your heart.
I have the absolute, and I mean absolute honour of working with a lot of people, so I get to see a LOT of walls and a lot of reasons why people build their walls… be it brick, be it wood, concrete, glass, wire, people PUT effort into building their protective walls, BUT everyone made them one at a time, piece by piece.
What you don’t realise is that for every single relationship you go into you take your wall or your bricks, or whatever with you. At an energetic level you think you are protecting yourself, but in terms of successful relationships, you came armed with more bricks and MORE mortar, invisible conditions…
Who has a chance in that new relationship? Unless you have the patience of a Saint or have addressed stuff… Your bricks are already in place, so probably are the other persons. When your bricks hit their bricks, you trigger all sorts of emotions as your journey tries to get you to see how much you have built walls around your perception of love, but not the truth of love.
And for goodness sake don’t think I’m immune, I have a FORTRESS around my heart at times and then get so very annoyed when someone pokes me in one of my bricks! I put them there, someone else is just trying to make me aware of WHY I put them there and how much I need to deconstruct the wall that can potentially destroy all of my relationships.
Lets go back to the beginning, because we have to understand HOW easy it is to build the bricks we build.
Firstly, without you being aware of it, you came in with a “to do list”. Experiences and things you need to accomplish for yourself in this lifetime. These are not “will I be pretty, will I be rich” things, but experiences based SIMPLY on all of your other lives as well. You ALSO chose to come in with a group of people to “enhance” your experience as well. Never forget you chose this journey, crucial point number one.
Then without you knowing, you COMPOUND all those other life time experiences into your current childhood. A stroke of brilliance really, for what better place to sort your stuff than in the now. Awesome. However… the second point is your interactions with FAMILY, usually your BIGGEST teachers… and for an example of how you started to build your wall… Let’s try this one out for size.
You are two years old and your four-year old brother takes your ice cream from you and eats it right in front of you. You scream blue murder and your mother scolds him but you are left with this feeling that you were betrayed by him, and hurt that your mother didn’t get you another ice cream or punish him more than what she did. YOU might not remember at this age, but your soul, your heart remembers and you think I’m not going to let you do that to me again. You JUST laid the mortar for the first stone… The betrayal feeling may have been from another life, but in this instance HOW you felt about your brother and his action has affected your heart and your feelings.
You can say it was just an ice cream, it didn’t matter, but look back at how many times, you have felt when someone let you down, didn’t give you the recognition or reward you hoped for that suddenly you spiralled back down to that ripped off, unloved, unrecognised feeling? THAT’s your BRICK, that’s the essence of the feeling that you build on for the whole of your life. More people bring you that learning, you get that feeling over and over again and then you close down a part of your heart because I’m not going to let ANYONE make me feel like that again.
So by the time you are in your 20’s you are cemented up nicely with all your building blocks of hurts, betrayals, and misunderstandings, lack of empathy and disillusionment of people ever understanding you. There is one fundamental problem here. YOU don’t understand you, because you cannot quite recall WHY you put the wall up, but every buggar under the sun seems to find those bricks for you and pound on them! and you harden the wall so you don’t get hurt AGAIN.
Cue new relationship, thank you Universe! Hi, yes I’m Jac, I really like your energy (don’t look at my bricks I don’t share them with anyone). Actually I really like your energy can we engage in a friendship? (I have bricks with conditions but you don’t know that, so look out)… And each of these bricks has a label, rejection, betrayal, guilt, disillusionment etc etc. So the relationship is going just fine UNTIL your friend says “Want to catch up and hang out today?”. You don’t want to but you feel GUILTY about refusing them so what do you do? Here throw a brick… You make up a lie, a wee white one, but then someone sees you out and tells your new friend. Your new friend calls you on it, “why couldn’t you just be honest?”… Look OUT WALL APPROACHING.
You never say I didn’t think I could be honest, because all the bricks are throwing themselves off their wall at yourself, and you feel guilty, WHY should I have to justify myself, accept me for who I am, you are taking up too much of my time, so you PULL literally every single HURT feeling from every single relationship, situation and past hurt, out and start stoning the other person like it was THEIR fault.
Now this is a sped up process for your consideration, but unfortunately it has a pattern and it is why relationships fail. You can be horrible and blame the other person, but YOU have to come back to you about WHY you reacted the way you did. You have to look at your bricks… your OWN bricks. What are your insecurities in a relationship? What are your fears? and SHOW them in a healthy way in your new relationship.
Not I’ve been hurt before don’t hurt me… What? How many hidden conditions are there in that? How many “unseen” bricks and layers in that one? Sheesh and your bricks are YOUR own interpretation. What may hurt you is unknown to the other person, hell, they have their own bricks built by their own lives, experiences, and perceptions. It’s a messy mine field of throwing bricks, exploding mortar and general disillusionment. So going back to the relationship in which you are called on a behaviour. You spiral into resentment (nice brick), how dare you make me feel small, and put on the spot. How dare you illuminate one of my bricks for me!
What, what, WHAT? Hold the phone PEOPLE! That’s what your NEW friend was supposed to DO!!! Show you where you are not being true to your heart, that judging people, holding old resentments and frustrations and POKING your BRICK is the best illumination possible. It’s NEVER about the other person but what they are bringing you to look at in yourself. Their role is to show you your bricks… your role to show them theirs.
It’s NOT nasty or mean or cruel or evil or ANYTHING. It’s about beyond all that human build up of bricks and mortar, that the Universe is TRYING to show you your patterns and habits of “protecting” yourself that is causing repeat relationships to flounder over and over again. If we have bricks but acknowledge them, share them shyly and gently with other people and acknowledge them, the brick actually falls away, and a little bit more of the secret garden of your heart is healed with love. Taking you completely and utterly on the pathway to TRUE HEARTFELT HEALTHY CONNECTIONS AND RELATIONSHIPS..
Acknowledge your bricks people PLEASE, no one built them but you… no one. Only you can be brave enough to take them down again, for no other reason but truly living from your BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL HEART. The simple truth is until you do, you get new friends, relationships, situations and learning that illuminate what you are truthfully doing with your bricks in every single day, in every single way…
Stop and LOOK at the patterns, start to understand YOU and start to share with others so you can understand you and THEY can understand you… All the brick throwing ceases and understanding flows within the HEALTHY relationship. Your beautiful heart needs you desperately to stop being so cruel to you… behind the wall is your truth.. the truest of the purest of love. Spend the time to take your wall down.. heal you and heal your relationships.