Goodness the time is flying by, this year set to gallop past us without us looking if we are not careful. HOWEVER, the Universal Energies are still working their magic at getting us to dig deep into old hurts, past hurts and hidden self. The colour in the airways is a rich turbulent icy blue, swirling all around us, and seeping into the pores of us, with gentle refrains of “Let it go, Let it go”.
I was walking with Zach and it seemed we were in a desert, a massive desert, sand everywhere. Sometimes I am startled at where I end up walking with the Guides but most of the time I am so intrigued by what they are sharing, the guidance and the wisdom that the surroundings become secondary. It applies for a while but then normally it makes perfect sense at some point of the discussion.
The heat from the sand seeps up and around me, gentle swirls of warmth, as little tiny flicks of sand jump off the ends of my toes, ever one step in front of me as I walk. “What is your deepest fear?” Zach walks beside me with his hands behind his back. I wrinkle my nose “Deepest fear? Hmmm I am not sure really, I would have to think about it”. He waits ever patient, simply the reason for the question is SO I would think about it.
The sky is azure blue, stretching for a million miles above us, there is nothing but sky and sand. I think for a moment “It’s probably not a fear generated by loss of anything in this life, but more a fear directed at myself really. I fear that what I think is real, or is a reality, is in reality nothing. That what I perceive I am helping or trying to help people with is a crock”. I look at him sideways as I say this because this is in the moments, my darkest moments when I wonder what on earth is the point of being here, what if it’s all rubbish anyway. Zach points to the distance and I can see a sand storm coming. He looks back at me, “How much of you believes the fear is real?” I think for a moment and shrug, “It’s a hard one because I know in my heart, I believe in so much, yet that fear of I suppose getting it wrong or being wrong about what I believe in, can seep in and make me feel small. So it’s both a large one but at times a small one, depending on how much energy I give it”.
The sand storm swirls closer and closer, the noise of it starting to impact on where we are walking. I look at Zach, “Is that coming our way?” He looks at me closely, green eyes twinkling light. “I don’t know, is it?”. I glare at him slightly. There is something else going on here, he looks like a small child with a secret. I stop and look at the sand storm, it is shifting everything moving everything and if anything it’s getting bigger and closer. I look the other way. I know we are in the Off Worlds but there is such a REALNESS to experiences here that I have learned to be a bit cautious at times as well.
Zach stands and looks at the sky, upwards it looks as calm as a millpond on a day with no wind. Zach prods me again “By definition, the energy you give a fear creates a fear more, yes?” I flap a hand at him “Of course”. “So then you realise also that by addressing that fear instead of smothering it, over thinking it, or building it, shapes how you see your own reality anyway?” I glare at him for a moment “Of course I do, but you make it seem so simple. Step into the fear and see it’s nothing or that I am creating it anyway!”. He straightens and looks kindly at me, “but you are the designer of your own reality, your own fears, only YOU can address them as well”. I close my eyes in annoyance because we have had this discussion, or rather I have had it many times before with countless Guides.
The wind hits me like a tonne of bricks and I go to draw in a breath but there is sand everywhere. Stupid sand storm I think, why did it suddenly hit so suddenly. I stand still, it’s the only thing I can do really and the sand swirls everywhere, I have pulled up a cloth over my mouth so I can breathe but I can’t open my eyes. I mentally reach out to Zach. “Zach, this is stupid can you quit with the flaming sand storm?”. “Why does it matter truly if you are right or wrong?” I hear the words touch my mind. “If every thing is defined as an experience, why does there have to be a right or a wrong, or why do YOU have to take it so personally that you have to be right?”
I think about this for a moment and you know I cannot THINK of one good reason why I have to be right. If I turn the tables on my need to be right for myself, I cannot think WHY I feel I need to be right. HOW annoying! “So is it a valid fear? or a reinforcement from a part of yourself you are trying to prove a point to?” Hmm. Why do I need to be right for me? what do I gain from that? Who’s approval am I really seeking? It’s not external, but something I need to give myself. Allow myself and accept in myself. There is no right or wrong within myself, I am sitting so in judgement, setting impossible standards. The wind swirls and the sand scratches at me. “Enough!” I yell. “No more” In the sudden silence I think, did I disappear?
I open my eyes and blink. I am still in the desert, but I am beside this amazing waterhole, the energy of it is completely different from the storm. It is tranquil, inviting and cool. I walk over and poke a toe in the water suspiciously. Zach appears and walks down to the water as well. “What do you think?” he says “Is it all a mirage?”. I snort.
“Proving a point are we?” He smiles and shrugs his shoulders eloquently. “I don’t create where I am, YOU do. For what appears in your life, in both situations and your perception of reality, YOU create that. Want a storm you get one, based on the fears you refuse to address or acknowledge and create turbulence both in your world and your heart. Create a tranquil environment with that one term “Enough” and in that single moment you realise that you have the power to close down any of the thoughts, any of the fears and see them simply as a storm of your own creation”. He again looks at the sky and looks at me sideways. “Beautiful day isn’t it?”.
This Universal energy at the moment is brilliant in its intensity really. We need to dig deep, we need to not just sit in “I fear this, what if this happens, what if I am not a good person, what if, what if”. The Universe is sending multiple signals to show us HOW it is responding not to anything else but to US, what we create both as a collective but also as individuals on our individual life paths. We, based on our fears, whether they are valid or NOT, are the ones that are giving power to those fears.
I have moments when I don’t like rolling in the deep of myself. But WHY? Because until I get to a complete understanding of myself, then I will create scenarios, interactions, situations that MAKE me look at why I do the things I do. Why I think the things I think. In refusing to look at my own needs and nurture me, only I have the ability to make my fears larger and larger. The Universe is merely helping me and all of us to look at what we need to deeply release so we can move forward. Embrace that, stop avoiding you, your own deepest fears and simply say ENOUGH. There IS no right or wrong, merely what we do to ourselves.
Dig deep, LOOK at it, and let it go. I think you will find nine times out of ten if you question WHY on earth you have that fear, you won’t particular find a fantastic reason WHY you have it. Stop building the fear into a storm and letting it rule your life. Address it, change it and grow. After all, you are living in the reality that YOU create, change the fears, and change your perception of your own difficulties. Just for you!