Hmm, when Spirit asked me to blog about this subject I questioned them on the title of the blog. They always ask me to head the blog up with something that they find relevant or what they want to get across. The problem most often is HOW much we can be cruel to ourselves and therefore the title is completely relevant.
No one person will be as hard on you during your lifetime than YOU and as Zach says, forgiveness is a key ingredient of loving ourselves well. Simply because if we continue NOT to love ourselves, we end up in illness. Whether manifested over a period of time, or with the suddenness that takes our breath away, we manifest in our cellular structure, the cruelty of thought that we do to ourselves by NOT loving ourselves enough.
In this Universal year of New Beginnings, there is always and always was going to be closures. We really at times don’t like closure, we don’t like to look at why relationships end, or why people move out of our life, we get sick of jobs, situations, all sorts of things. However, in order for new opportunities to come in around us, we NEED these closures. What we do to ourselves DURING these closures becomes completely and utterly crucial.
GUILT is a sucker punch. Seriously, I see so many people with this dirty green grey colour across their chest, coating their beautiful heart chakra colours and muddying their perceptions of their choices in their lives. We can at times, over time forgive other people for what they chose, for what happened with them, however, we can hold that yucky colour over our hearts for years in judgement of our own perception of our role. Its a killer, it really is. It can hold us back completely and utterly from forgiving ourselves, and more importantly loving ourselves, and it fosters illness on our hearts.
Love is an amazing thing, it works beyond any perceptual emotion, it works beyond ego, it simply heals. In order to remove the “blocks” we put on ourselves, we need to get back to a place of love for ourselves, and stop the judgement of ourselves in so many ways. We also need to understand that no one person is doing this to us but us. All those thoughts, I should have done this, I could have said this, I should have, why did I do that, why did I say that, what do they think of me?. These are all thoughts which are judgemental, critical and more than anything create such a heaviness on your heart and worse mostly not relevant. Sometimes your expectations of yourself are NOT even possible, let alone manageable. Why are you expecting so hard to GET IT RIGHT all of the time?
Would you expect that from a child, from your friends, from your loved ones? The answer is usually no but you have such a vested interest in needing to be right, to get it right, that you forget one thing, and that is to forgive yourself when your perception is you got it wrong. So you interpreted something a certain way, YOU are allowed to. But stop also setting yourself up to fail by impossible standards.
When I ask people, absolutely beautiful amazing people, do they love themselves? That colour, that icky colour deepens of guilt and the colours turquoise above their heads muddy and darken, their colours dim as they think of all the reasons they are not loveable. For me it is one of the saddest things to see, because no one is making that judgement of themselves, but them. We simply at times do NOT think we are loveable, nor do we understand HOW much we need to love ourselves beyond any of the experiences. After all the experiences are teaching you ABOUT you and it is why you came.
On particularly bad days when I am being spectacularly cruel to myself over a perception I could have done something differently, done something MORE, helped MORE and am sitting in judgement of myself. Aeron has a tendency to appear and just ever so gently without a word, come and hold me and just wrap wings around me until I feel completely enclosed in love and then he says, “Please forgive you for what you think you have done, or not done. Please forgive you for the thoughts you are letting consume you, and forgive you for thinking, even thinking that you have failed or should have been more than you are. No one person expected you to get everything right, but if you forgive and step back into love, you see that everything was perfect, and worked perfectly, just the way it is”.
I usually say, “Could I have done more?” He always answers “It was perfectly perfect just the way it was. Be gentle with you, be gentle in your expectations, and bring it all gently back to love”. Then under his wings, I see my self start to shine, and each time I am startled to see that I wasn’t shining in the first place, but I had dimmed my own light by judging myself by an impossible standard that no one had set but me and funnily enough as soon as I see the light of me, I think “how beautiful” and in that moment I feel a peace in my heart.
You are so beautiful, so brave and so needing your own forgiveness of any perceived hurts, or judgements of yourself. You are having a human journey, you are learning about you. Come back to understanding that for each bump you hit, for each learning you touch or touches you, that you need to say I believe in me, and I forgive me for any negative thoughts that I have about me. Say I love that I am learning about me, I love that I am learning to love me and stop sitting so much in a judgement that no one else is giving you.
So please, please peel off that icky colour guilt, STOP criticising you and simply start being kinder to you! You deserve so much your own love and forgiveness. Acceptance of who you are and the fact you are trying your best in a world that brings so many challenges at so many levels. Stop justifying to yourself about what you think you should be and come back to love. It isn’t hard, it’s about saying to yourself, you know what I don’t need to be perfect, I already am! What I need to be is more patient with me, more tolerant with me, and more loving…. to me. In that one moment event thinking those things your light starts to shine again.
Set you free from you… through forgiveness and love.. because YOU are so worth it simply…