Spirit Whispers: The Empath and the Avoidant… The change of connection

Cue me talking to the Guides.  “Bloody hell the relationship changes are coming thick and fast in this new energy aren’t they? and it feels like walking through flipping cement!  I think there is something wrong with me, like tolerance or something fell off and I am looking at all my relationship connections and feeling like my needs are not being met.  Worse just about every client I see is having illuminations about their family, husband, partner etc.  Just what the hell?”

Yes, I know I bombard them constantly with questions but since I spent most of my time off world with them, I want some answers as well.    I have already talked about coming out of the “Suffer to Learn” philosophy and into the “Create to be” but there seems to be a lot of collateral damage in between.      I keep hearing “That’s it, my relationship of 30 years is over.  My family connection is done.  I’ve disowned by brother, mother, father, child” and the list goes on.

Patiently the Guides explain, the alignments have changed.  “Suffer to learn” means choosing the most perfect of sometimes painful alignments for you to learn from.  Selfishness, thanklessness, unhappiness, ungratefulness, expectation, seeking approval.  You need to learn these and you would have teamed up family wise, partner wise, work wise to have those experiences to learn from..  You need to learn that over compromising in a relationship, any relationship is never going to serve you in the new energy.  Hell, you don’t even have the energy to do what you have done for years and years.

So instead of beating yourself up for the realization and then blaming your partner.  “For 20 years I did everything for him and he is so thankless, I am done!”   “For 18 years I paid for this and worked my ass off and she’s leaving me!”   There needs to be a massive, massive pause here to understanding exactly what is happening.    Needs have changed!

Interestingly most choices of the past have been to do with learning, programming and conditioning.   So Empaths chose Avoidant partners to learn about themselves from. I hear time and time again, “He won’t connect with me, share himself, his thoughts, his worries.  He won’t let me in”  and then “She demands I sit hold hands, watch soppy movies, put more effort into sex,  gets all moody and emotional and nag, nag, nag”.    *raises an eyebrow…  Sheesh!

Stop, stop, stop.   Lets get to the “Heart” of the matter seriously.   The world energy change is “realness, empathy, compassion and strength, Truthfully connecting”.   Empath’s soul pathway was to over nurture in a suffering energy to help things be easier.   Avoidant’s were here to work hard, do the tasks and get on with things in a suffering energy.   Both work in their own way, and both types are actually genderless so don’t go thinking that all men are the avoidants.  I have met some really, emotionally trapped women too.

Now the energy is shifting the roles are changing! and they are becoming much more emotional based and I don’t mean everyone hormonally bursting into tears, but heart connections of exchanged feelings, not hiding emotions.  So the Empaths are NOT hardening up even though they think they are, they just know they do not have to over compensate anymore and better, they don’t even want to.   The  Avoidants are going “what the hell, while I was busy head down bum up working, something changed and I’m not being nurtured like I was” and they are hunkering down feeling extremely picked on.

It’s HOW we weather this change that is really important because mostly we suck at seeing habits and patterns that we put in place in our important relationships.   Roles get defined and people get used to them.  She does this, he does that, and complacency comes in.  Then blame, instead of responsibility.

Responsibility is accepting my part in these connections historically as been this, I need to accept this and help implement helpful communication and understanding, that’s your best empath trait.   Avoidants, stop feeling picked on, you are not being asked to change really or be overly emotional, you are being asked to be present.  FULLY present at a heart level.   Look I really believe that some connections WILL be completely done, having served their complete teaching process and honouring that is important without blame.  BUT if you don’t get what is happening, you run the risk of taking those old behaviours straight back into the new connections you are seeking!

We are in the process of creating what our needs are.  We need to be looking at old habits and taking responsibility for the creation of them. Then and only then can we see where the necessary changes that are required are.  You haven’t failed for the love of Mike, you have EVOLVED in your needs, your connections and fingers, bloody crossed, understanding of YOU.

So stop with the finger-pointing and look at what is happening and changing!  People who are avoidants have learned through hard learning that opening their heart hurts.  They either had difficult childhoods, siblings, controlling, difficult parents and shite situations.  They learned to hide their feelings so they don’t feel vulnerable and exposed.  However, this new energy is requiring them to open themselves.  Shoot if I was an Avoidant I would run a mile in this energy.. It’s making them squirm uncomfortably as it is as old emotions are surfacing, triggers reacting so they can heal and it is far, far to easy to blame their empath partner than look at their own stuff.   BUT if you don’t, Dear Gorgeous Avoidant, you may well lose your amazing, loving empath as they go and seek heart unity with someone who can connect at a heart level.

THIS is the re-education space covering the energy of the next 6-7 years.  UNDOING bad habits and before you go Ohhhh yeah Avoidants…  Miss or Mr Empath, let’s have a look at what you have been “enabling” under the “Suffer to Learn” philosophy.     Cue Empath, “ohhhhh look their heart is sooo beautiful, I see you in there, I CAN FIX YOU…”  Yes, you heard Sticky fingered people.   Why you trying to fix them again?   Each person HAS to make, in this energy, the decision to take responsibility for SELF, there is no way forward without it.  So while you have been busy over compensating, putting everyone else a head of you until now you are really resentful.  You did that.  Under the soul learning of working out your own needs.  You programmed your relationship connections you would bend over backwards.  Of course they are going to be pissed off you are changing it.  You did everything for them for years… sheesh!

There be no unity, or connectivity without honesty from both sides, all sides and INSIDE out…   You want the love story?  The happy ever after?   Well start to look where your own imbalances are in your relationships.    Never say what you think?   Well hows that stifling your opinion working for you as your stomach turns and you over think what you could have, should have said?    Hows that working when you won’t acknowledge how you feel when the person you love more than anything walks out your life because you never had the courage to reinforce your love with care and respect, you just assumed they would always be there?    There are two sides and two changes required here and we need to be supporting each other to get here.   Take responsibility… Connect honestly, sometimes painfully, as we rediscover the new sides of balance within.

We have such opportunity here for such amazing honest connections.  Its time people… and we need to start with the relationship with ourselves and our old learning.  Forgive self and love self and you can forgive and love anyone with a truthful open heart that can connect honestly…   It’s a process and processes take time.. but it is time to embrace this energy instead of fighting to remain in the same suffering…  Its happening around you, within you and YOU have to flow with it or you become more hurt and more stuck.. hence the cement feeling of energy.  So many people trying hold onto that painful suffering to learn energy.  Change is relentless, don’t be left in the regrets of the past and continued suffering…  Now is perfect to implement honesty with yourself and your relationships.  Of course there will be adjusting, but cut yourself some slack seriously and everyone else.  We are in this together and we so need each other to heal to move forward.

Just have a think on it, start with you, no blame, but acknowledgement and then, well take responsibility, its a start and its the best start you can do in this changing space…










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2 responses to “Spirit Whispers: The Empath and the Avoidant… The change of connection

  1. Vivienne

    Thankyou for this timely message..I today have had these emotions Thankyou again I have now a greater understanding it feels like you wrote this for me…
    God’s Blessings

  2. Tina

    Jac….. Thanking You Gorgeous Light!!