I was having a discussion with the Guides around self sabotage and how much if the Universe is responding always and in all ways to us, then why do we see things not falling into place the way we want them to. This, of course, sparked a discussion about perceptional control but that is another whole other story.
As usual I am walking across a desert with Trayedt, I listen to the sound of his sandals in the sand and ask again for his opinion. These discussions are not definitive in the sense I believe all they say, but more designed for me to think about how I implement the understanding into my every day life. The Guides quite often take me to spaces that are uniquely their own to impart wisdom and I wonder a little if Trayedt hasn’t brought me here because of my tendency to be distracted by everything else around me. We all can be perfectly human and want to avoid intimate discussions at which we are the source.
I sigh and Trayedt stops walking to look at me curiously. “Why is it that I feel like I am my biggest obstacle in this changing energy?” He raises both eyebrows and looks at me “You really want me to answer that?” I wrinkle my nose at him “Okay okay, rhetorical question”. He laughs, “Half of your problem is upon acknowledging you are your own worst obstacle, is what to do about it”. “I love avoidance” I mutter.
“Indeed” he replied. I do at this point refrain from rolling my eyes. “Self sabotage is very subtle” he adds. ‘You can give yourself a million reasons. Justify a million answers but the problem is it takes you simply back to square one again. Humans have an ability to wait for catalysts before they change things. When the comfortable becomes too uncomfortable, and what they thought served them no longer serves them. Then and only then usually do they change what they are doing. Simply how uncomfortable do you want to get?”
I sigh again. “Unhelpful answer, Trayedt” He raises an eyebrow and walks on for a bit. I trudge after him “Just give me a solution” I woffle at his back. He stops and turns, hands clasped behind his back, over robe warm against the desert wind. He stares at me intently for a moment.
“What about giving yourself permission?” “To do what? I told you, I am already in my own way and you’re now telling me to give myself permission? To what? Get out of my own way?” He smiles “why not?” Stunned for a moment I think. Why not? It’s a concept that seems so simple but so stupid. I look at him and narrowly miss the small smile that he is concealing. “Very funny, har har”. He walks on and motions me to walk beside him.
“When do you give yourself permission? Permission to change things? Permission to be yourself? Permission to be annoyed, permission to be sad, happy? You fight your emotions because you do not think you should have them or be allowed to have them. You smother your expression because you convince yourself that others thoughts should be looked after, even when they voice them and you are taken aback. When exactly do you give yourself permission?”
I think about this for a long moment and then I frown. The human brain is the only one on the planet that has a Judge, a Jury and a Sentencer in it for every single action that we take. We wallow for days over something we said to someone else, what we should have done differently, how we could have been more assertive, understanding, ruder. We justify our actions and we do wonderfully, GUILT. For what? Feeling the way we did? We are not brave in how we communicate and least of all with ourselves.
We simply look at times for outward approval. Confirmation from others that we are doing the right thing, we judge ourselves a lot from other standards and a societal perception of “doing the right thing”. We ask our children to fit in, and try to fit in ourselves when at times we don’t feel like we fit at all. So why do we do this? Human nature says we need to fit somewhere. Belong somewhere and part of us longs to be at peace in ourselves. Yet it is us who creates our own peace and we cannot do that when we are blaming ourselves internally for our very actions and thoughts which are NOT that bad!
So Trayedt is right and it is a thought-provoking understanding. When exactly do you give yourself permission just to be you. To say what you think without malice, conditioning, justifying, or being frightened of what other people think? This programming to give others external peace gives ourselves none and it simply doesn’t serve us either in this upcoming energy. Acceptance of self and permission to be ourselves is exactly what we need to be doing. There is nothing wrong with saying that you don’t agree with someone or something. If they get the pip then that’s their issue and learning, we need to stop expecting others to “get us” all the time and just be ourselves with our own permission.
So here’s an affirmation and I’m building it into my New Years implementation list.
I give myself permission to be the change I need for me. I give myself permission to re-spark me into passion by exploring new ideas and things I love to do. I give myself permission to let go of the past, and old philosophies and ideas that no longer serve me. I give myself permission to let go of energetically draining relationships if I have learned what I needed to. I give myself permission to embrace change with joy. I GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION.
Looks at you curiously. How do you feel? I felt different, I felt like I let go of a weight I didn’t know that I was carrying. Expectation of self to be something I didn’t even know that I was doing. I think in giving myself permission to change in myself I have started to work on the obstacle that was me.
You are NOT stuck really, you are keeping yourself stuck because you haven’t given yourself permission to change YOU. Now is perfect, its a planning month January and the new energy kicks off in February/March for most. Time to start giving yourself permission to create what suits you and what you needs. Its empowerment time people and you need to stop waiting for someone else to empower you. Give YOU permission to fire up, fire out, and relight your own flame. Shine the light you are and get into a permissive state of mind.
I will take that new job and create it beautifully. I will have that new relationship and create it beautifully. I will have that new friendship and create it wonderfully. Get excited about giving yourself permission. Its simple time and more than anything in this year, it is your time. After all you just gave yourself permission *winks